


mourning moses jackson

by joonswig



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Poetry, Unrequited Love, dude it's just sad lmao, minho is like omg i love jisung and jisungs like damn bitch imma have to sleep this one over, projection? is that a food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joonswig/pseuds/joonswig
Summary: there is a lot of things minho likes about jisung





	mourning moses jackson

**Author's Note:**

> dudes...imma have to say sumn important
> 
> yves!!!! baby u r literally the best person i know like...the gemini power u exude? phenomenal. love u sm im so happy to have met you and to have you in my life. ur smart and funny and lovely and u have this unique vibe that i rly vibe with myself, so happy birthday to the illest bitch on stan twitter. ilysm hope u had a great day !! have a great year ahead too!!!! sorry for making ur scorpio bf suffer but yeah. yeah. 
> 
> inspired by 'because i liked you better' by a. e. houseman. dude was gay had a crush didnt work out we're sad uh we. yeah. pretty shit tho loving him today.

there are a lot of things minho likes about jisung.

 

he comes to this rather superficial, even banal conclusion when his fingers run through jisung’s hair for what seems to be the hundredth time. jisung’s face is pressed comfortably against the pillows, all strain relieved from his face as he breathes in and out. minho watches him sleep, perched on the edge of the bed in a far from comfortable position. 

 

minutes ago, when jisung was still awake, nonetheless zoning out, it’s where he sat down upon the younger’s request. the younger’s crestfallen expression wasn’t the only reason, he’s never been one to leave jisung hanging, never found it in him to deny the pleasure that came with meeting his demands. 

 

jisung grabbed his hand, pressed it against his cheek, as though a source of comfort. a telltale sign something was wrong — jisung was far from affectionate, contradictory to minho, who initiated the minimal physical contact they had. minho doesn’t blame him — it takes a while to break jisung and he’s not yet been able to. 

 

all he can tell at the time is that something must have upset jisung. from the loose strands of hair falling into his eyes that the younger doesn’t care to brush away, to the heavy breaths mirroring jisung’s heavy heart. minho knows that he won’t find out why, not with the walls jisung built up around himself. one faulty move on minho’s part and he’ll lose jisung’s trust, he’ll watch as the younger further closes himself up. 

 

moments like these he feels helpless, because it’s so painfully obvious to him whenever jisung is suffering. he is one of these people who live under the impression that the facade they put on whenever things aren’t okay is uncrackable, oblivious to the reality which strays away from what they think. minho can read jisung, not entirely, but just enough to know how he acts when he is angry, when he is upset, when something is bothering him, when he’s happy. 

 

he loves it when jisung is happy, because he truly shines. life, minho reckons, was made for people like jisung. intelligent, bright, hilarious, charismatic. he quickly makes himself the centre of minho’s world, makes him smile wider, laugh louder. he’s one of those people that seem surreal to know in person. he wouldn’t be surprised if years later he saw jisung’s name in the news, doing something big and important, akin to himself. minho imagines himself reminiscing, ‘ah, we used to be roommates. we used to be friends. i used to be in love with him.’ there’s no doubt he would no longer be a fixture in jisung’s life, not when jisung is life itself, overflowing with it, seams ripping apart at how alive he is. 

 

but the jisung that fell limp on minho’s mattress, shell of the person minho knows and loves, it was the jisung he hated seeing. it played out as heartbreaking as it usually does, minho watching jisung deflate, expression on his face tired, but nonetheless blank. it’s like he’s devoid of feeling, of reason, of life and minho feels useless. he’d like to set jisung’s world back into motion, the way the younger does with every word, every smile, but he can’t. he’s not that kind of person. 

 

minho isn’t bad, or lacking, nothing of that sort. he’s above average in every sense of the collocation, and it’s never been a problem before he met jisung. jisung is bigger, better, brighter than close to anyone and anything. it’s a privilege to someone like him in his life, minho figures, because people like that are rare. despite that, an obvious drawback arises: minho can never be enough, at least for jisung.

 

it’s painful and it’s something minho is well aware of. people like jisung are different, they need more, they need someone to be a challenge. minho isn’t a challenge, has never been. he’s never put an effort to resist caring for jisung, never denied how the younger made him feel. it was easy for jisung to rope himself into minho’s life, with the suaveness he could only envy. 

 

he brushes his thumb over jisung’s cheek and asked if he wanted to talk about it. to no surprise, jisung shook his head, wincing at whatever was bothering him.

 

“no, i don’t wanna,” jisung told him, “can you read for me?”

 

“what do you want me to read?” minho asked, every word laced with care.

 

“something pretty. something you like.”

 

it could be his parents, minho thought, it could be someone else. it could be school. it could be something he was working on. it’s impossible to tell, because jisung feels so much about close to anything and everything seems to be taking a toll on him, all at once. he pulled out the phone from his back pocket. 

 

“comfortable?” he asked and watched jisung shuffle onto his side, letting go of minho’s hand to place it underneath his hand. it’s the only way he can fall asleep, minho has learned ages ago, he can’t otherwise. 

 

“mhm. can you read?” jisung’s voice was soft, like minho was doing him a favour, like he had to ask minho for anything. 

 

“of course,” minho typed in something, “close your eyes.”

 

“mhm.”

 

“ _because i liked you better, than suits a man to say,_ ” minho began, soothing and gentle, palm resting on jisung’s cheek a a reminder that he’s here, that he’s not leaving. “ _it irked you, and i promised to throw the thought away._ ”

 

jisung furrowed his brows, but didn’t tell minho to stop, “ _to put the world between us we parted, stiff and dry; ‘good-bye,’ you said, ‘forget me.’ ‘i will, no fear,’ said i.”_

 

he paused, but jisung nudged his hand, urging him to go on. he took a deep breath, eyes trained on jisung’s features, his eyes, his nose, his lips, softer in the dim light of the shade-covered lamp, placed in the centre of their nightstand, “ _if here, where clover whitens the dead man’s knoll, you pass, and no tall flower to meet you starts in the trefoiled grass, halt by the headstone naming the heart no longer stirred, and say the lad that loved you—”_

 

it was a struggle to continue, but he could see jisung’s face adorned with a more peaceful aura, indicating he was close to falling asleep, _“was one that kept his word.”_

 

his breath hitched as jisung’s eyes fluttered open. _pity_ , he knew that look all too well. the problem with people like jisung is how perceptive they are. minho prefers to keep his personal feelings to himself, but it’s impossible with jisung, who can tell exactly what minho thinks, exactly what he’s going through. although neither of them is brave enough to touch on the rickety subject of how minho feels about jisung directly, both are aware. it’s unspoken common knowledge. 

 

“i’m sorry,” jisung mumbled, “i’m sorry.”

 

“it’s okay,” he replied, “sleep well.”

 

“i love you.” minho laughed to himself, silent not to startle the boy. 

 

“goodnight, jisung,” he moved his hand away.

 

that’s where he finds himself now, watching the boy he loves sleep, stroking his hair as though it could bring him comfort. there are so many things he likes about jisung. the way he smiles when he’s happy, the way he yells when he’s excited, the way he’s stubborn about the most trivial discourse, the way he needs to make a point if it kills him, the way he thinks quicker than everyone else and minho has to struggle to catch up. 

 

he sighs. he can’t let go of jisung even if he tried. still, he can’t wait for the day he’ll keep his word. 

**Author's Note:**

> mwah happy birthday once again 
> 
> [buy me a ko-fi <3](http://ko-fi.com/joonswig) // talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/midzyonce)


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